British Humor: teacher and child

английский юмор стилистически и концпптуально отличается от любого другого. А вот определить, в чем состоит это отличие, непросто. Еще труднее сочинить шутку в духе английского юмора, не будучи англичанином. Впрочем, попробуйте. Прилагаем британские шутки о школьнике и учителе, приносимые интернетом.

FOR SALE BY OWNER .

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century  

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker - Billy Connolly. 

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,

How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 

Children Are Quick 

 

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 

TEACHER: No, that's wrong 

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 

(I Love this child) 

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 

DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 

TEACHER: What are you talking about? 

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today

that we didn't have ten years ago. 

WINNIE: Me! 

__________________________________________ 

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' 

MILLIE: I is.. 

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his

father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. 

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... 

______________________________________ 

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. 

______________________________ 

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on

'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. 

Did you copy his? 

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 

___________________________________ 

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking

when people are no longer interested? 

HAROLD: A teacher 

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PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH  

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off